"Everybody makes their own fun. If you don't make it yourself, it ain't fun. It's entertainment."
— Ann Black
A rare comedy from David Mamet, released in 2000 and starring an Ensemble Cast including William H. Macy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Alec Baldwin, Julia Stiles, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Rebecca Pidgeon, Clark Gregg, David Paymer, Patti LuPone, and Charles Durning.
It's basically a meta story all about the Horrible Hollywood filmmakers who descend on a hapless Vermont town and wreak various types of havoc.
This film contains examples of:
- Almost Kiss: This happens to Joe and Ann a few times (they get interrupted by a trooper, by townspeople), at least until the very end.
- Artistic License – Geography: Joe and Ann have an exchange where they discuss why the Dalmatian is the universal mascot for fire departments. Ann claims it's because the "first organized fire department was on the border of Dalmatia and Sardinia in the year 642." Except that Dalmatia is a sub-region of Croatia, and Sardinia is an island. The two are separated by the Adriatic Sea, the Tyrrhenian Sea and the entirety of Italy.
- Captain Obvious: Joe questions how he's supposed to produce a film titled The Old Mill when there isn't an old mill to film at. Ann suggests changing the film's title.
- Chekhov's Gun: The producers send for an extra $800,000 to pay Claire to do the nude scene. They forget to cancel the money transfer after the script is reworked so Claire doesn't have to get naked; it arrives, in cash, just as they're bemoaning what to do about the case against Bob. Said money then gets "left" in front of Doug right before the charges are dropped.
- The Con: At the end, it's revealed that the first trial was actually a fake put on to allow the main character to perjure himself and regret it, allowing him to tell the truth when the real trial starts]].
- Credits Gag: Several:
- Only 2 animals were harmed during the filming of this motion picture. [several credits later] Actually, American Humane Association was on set to monitor the animal action... no animal was harmed in the making of this film.
- A complete list of this film's associate producers is available upon written request.
- After the end of the song, "The Song of the Old Mill", a fictional interviewer speaks to Howie Gold (played by Jonathan Katz) about the song. Gold says the song can no longer be called "The Song of the Old Mill" since the movie's title has been changed from The Old Mill to The Fires of Home.
- At the very end of the credits, immediately following a brief jazzy instrumental, a voice (David Mamet) says, "Once more, and can you try to play the notes this time?"
- Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: When Marty is threatening Claire's agent over her refusal to do a nude scene:Marty: Either she follows her contract, or I'm gonna rip out your heart and piss on your lungs through the hole in your chest. ... And my best to Marion.
- Dirty Old Man: Bob Barrenger, a middle-aged man who has a "little problem" with teenage girls.
- The Ending Changes Everything: Joe White perjures himself in court and instantly regrets it. It turns out that the whole court scene was just a play designed by Ann to give him a chance to rethink his choice before the real court case begins.
- Everytown, America: Waterford, Vermontnote , for all intents and purposes, as it has one courthouse, one firehouse, one bookstore, one school, one deli, and an old mill...well, until the mill burned down.Walt: Marty, we got a new town. It's, uh...where are we?
Bill: Waterford, Vermont.
Walt: Waterford, Vermont. It's...where is it? That's where it is. - Flashing Discretion Shot: Actually proposed as a solution. When Claire decides she doesn't want to do nude scenes anymore, the director and writer eventually figure out to get around it by shooting her from the back since "all of America can draw her tits from memory."
- Greek Chorus: The two farmers who wander the streets giving meta commentary.
- Intercourse with You: The closing credits Award-Bait Song, performed by Patti LuPone, includes the line, "The life was a sweet, old-fashioned dream and the memory lingers yet. / And I think of our hour by the old mill stream and I find that I'm still wet..."
- Mamet Speak: A lot of it, and yet surprisingly light on his signature Cluster F Bombs.
- Meet Cute: Bookseller Ann meets Joe, the film's writer, when he comes to her shop to buy a typewriter and she recognizes a play that he wrote. Shortly afterward, she unceremoniously dumps her local politician fiancé.
- Noodle Incident:
- A number of buildings were destroyed or damaged in "a spate of suspicious fires" in 1960. Hints that a disturbed teenager and arson were involved, but no details. Also, the fires were somehow the inspiration for the formation of the Waterford Huskies.
- At the high school, the writer notices that the Waterford Huskies have won the championship every year except for 1975 — and there is a blank space for that year. A janitor walks up close to Joe to explain like it's some dark secret but is interrupted by Walt's arrival before he gets a word out. The tie-in website Bazoomer.com
teases an answer, promising the whole story if you follow a link. The link leads to a blank white page. - The film crew has apparently been kicked out of New Hampshire (the entire state). No one is willing to talk (at least onscreen) about what happened there, though it's a good guess that it had something to do with Bob's taste in women.
- Not What It Looks Like: At first Joe goes to some length to keep Ann from finding out that a nude Claire is in his room (against his will), thinking that the trope will play out. Then when she suddenly walks back in and catches Claire, Joe immediately explains what's going on, and Ann believes him.Joe: Wait, you believe that?Ann: I do if you do.Joe: But it's insane!Ann: So's our electoral system but we still vote.
- Oscar Bait Parody: The Old Mill is a melodramatic Period Piece set in the 1870s about a torrid love affair in a rural New England village.
- Product Placement: The film within the film is an 1870s Oscar Bait historical drama, yet the website Bazoomer.com goes to great lengths to try to get product placement. In the end, they do.
- Right Behind Me: Walt's assistant is confused by Claire's sudden refusal to do a nude scene, as she's done so many before that "The whole country can draw her tits from memory." Then he realizes Claire is behind him, and worse, Walt had just talked her into doing the scene before she heard that.
- Running Gag:
- Ann ending every conversation with one of the townspeople with "Go, you Huskies!"
- The townsfolk mentioning the pothole on Main Street to Doug, and the numerous times cars are seen driving over it.
- Walt and Marty offering people an associate producer credit on the movie, which culminates in the film's credits stating that a list of its associate producers is available upon request.
Joe: What's an associate producer credit?
Tommy: It's what you give to your secretary instead of a raise. - Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: Marty pays off everybody to drop the charges against Bob Barrenger.
- Shout-Out: The town's mayor is named George Bailey.
- Suit with Vested Interests: Doug, all over the place. He spends a lot of the movie obsessing over his political aspirations and becomes a lot more eager to launch his statutory rape investigation against Bob Barrenger when it becomes clear that he can put the screws on Joe White (who his fiancée dumped him for). Any chance that he really is partially motivated by a sense of justice gets tossed out the window when he takes Marty's bribe.
- Toplessness from the Back: Discussed. The screenwriter finally figures out how to preserve his critically important nudity scene with an actress who refuses to get naked. Also, when Walt asks a female assistant to take off a t-shirt he doesn't like, she does so and reveals that she isn't wearing a bra.
- It gets played straight later on when Claire tries (unsuccessfully) to seduce Joe.
